I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
