So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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