OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
