I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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