the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
