Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
