did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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