Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
