i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
