just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You ate ashes out of my bong
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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