The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
