Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
