Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
