We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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