Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
