the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
