Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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