I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
