as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
