Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
