the day after is always just damage control
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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