It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
