I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
