She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
