No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
