Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
