At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
