I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
