i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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