Umm I'm too high to move.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
