I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
