I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
