She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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