So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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