I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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