You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
