Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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