u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
