She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
