Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
