So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
