if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
