his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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