So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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