He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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