I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
