i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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