So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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