dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
