i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
