she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
