I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
