that's an acceptable place to lick
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
