happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
