I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
