You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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